ohhh dear...

Well...
Its been a while since Ive had a moment to myself, let alone write down any thoughts i have.( i should be studying for an Immunology quiz right now)
*sigh* What can i say... Fall of Senior year has been ABSOLUTE madness. just . CRAZY! i cant even begin to put it into words.. other than those. With volunteering,club med, and actual school.... i am completely sleep deprived( might as well get used to it right??) All i want right now is just a day...okay maybe two...of nothing!! that's all...so that i can just be a couch potato and watch movies and not think and just sleep ALLLL DAAAYY if i wanted! ...sorry, I'm totally daydreaming about it right now.

School is like i said..crazy...i find that for some reason or other I'm struggling more than i ever did before! ( i thought senior year is supposed to be a breeze if you worked hard the other 3 years!...apparently not...or maybe this is really bad case of senioritis) But as i was walking in beautiful flagstaff weather, i was trying to think of what it was that different about this year... what is the factor that is missing..or what it was that i am doing/or not doing now ..that has caused me to be SO stressed and on edge all the time, and believe it or not..impatient. Then i realized.. I'm not singing anymore.. I knew that not singing would have a bit of an effect on me this year since I've been in choir since the 7Th grade and this year is the first which I'm not involved in any active choir or anything! But i had no idea it would be this big! I guess you really didn't know what you have until you loose it.. Not that i lost my singing ability..just the whole choir-ness...does that make sense? just singing with others and just being in that atmosphere was a huge stress outlet for me! Just that one hour of my day where i can put all thoughts away (family, school, whatever was going on) and just sing and try to sound good!
I had no idea how much of an outlet until now.
So i figured instead of singing... a new outlet would be if i take up regular exercise ( i did for a little while last spring ..but that didn't last for too long). My roommate and I have taken up P90X again last week. Which if you know the program at all,its pretty intense. I'm not however, finding it to be much of a stress outlet for me.. but i do feel healthier and getting into shape, which is good... downside: I'm more exhausted than ever.. I'm not gaining too much energy from it. But I will stick to it!
All and all...I'm just ready for something different in my life. Like the next chapter, ya know? Ive done the whole college thing. I'm usually not a fan of big changes.. i like stability and i like to know where I'm going ( which there have been several changes in this semester alone and I'm not exactly sure of my path for the next year at least, which could be another contributing factor to the stress mania.) But I'm just ready for something new...a new adventure!
but i figure that will come with time... but what i do need at this very moment but I'm in school so ... i cant...and i haven't saved any money for it... is a VACATION!! bad. I have never been on vacation to be honest. all the "vacations" i have attempted to take...have been nightmares really.. just a real vacation.. i can't wait until next summer! hahaha...

...and the countdown has officially begun.