Vent time...

okay... this will be my venting blog.. it has A LOT to do when this ONE class i am enrolled in right now...and i am just.........* big breath*...soooo...frustrated with it all!!
For those who don't know.. I am currently enrolled in Immunology( my Biomed. capstone course)
Now, I have been looking forward to taking this class and the one next semester( Medical micro) since my Freshman year in college!! ( i know i am a nerd) WHY? you ask? well because out of all the classes that i have taken in my degree, THOSE two are most likely to resemble material that i might learn in med. school. and WILL benefit from.
Now don't get me wrong. I am enjoying what i am "learning"..but to be honest.. I am not learning as much as i would like to because the presentation and structure of the course is awful. i am constantly worried in that class. I think i am far enough into my college career that i should be able to follow a lecture and understand somewhat during..and go home..review and ask questions to further my knowledge. however, in this class... i am completely speechless because i have no idea what is being said.. or where this all fits in the bigger picture( which.. is not that hard, the entire class is on the human immune system!!!!!) HE(the professor who shall not be named)..thinks that the silence of the classroom when he asks if anyone has questions..is us understanding..when really its everyone not having the slightest clue what he just said...or what he was referring to. and if someone asks to repeat.. they would be given a snicker along with a head tilt( like aww... you don't understand??) and it will be repeated in the same exact manner... so you are still in square one!!
AND THEN! to tell us to not to pay too much attention to the details and learn the conceptual bigger picture..but then to go and ask a 4 point exam question on a detail sooooooo minuscule that you yourself skipped over and and mentioned in passing..giving the impression that its NOT THAT important in the" big picture" .
And that's just the Lecture part of the class
onto the Lab...

if HE actually was a researcher, organized this lab, WROTE the lab manual we are using and was constantly present in the lab hours. Wouldn't you think that the Lab would be smooth sailing???? the answer to that my friends, is NO!
There are only 2 sections in this lab A and B. I am in A which meets on Tuesday afternoons and B on Thurs. I can't even begin to count the number of times that due to "outside" factors the entire Section(A) did not get proper results... But yet SOMETHING would be fixed and the precious section B would execute everything properly and would get results.. that would then need to be given to section A. so what is really happening here is that section A becomes the guinea pig..and minor adjustments would be made for section B. I'M SORRY!! but if you claim that you have been doing this lab for 10 years, WROTE the lab manual and are present for all activity that goes in the lab... there should not be a single problem.. everything should run smoothly like it does it every other lab i have taken(with only a TA present)

Take this weeks lab for example. There were steps taken for the students to save time. Now i have no control over what someone else does. So if i am to run a Gel Electrophoresis, and the Gel was made incorrectly, it is not my fault that the results are not good. In the beginning, i had a feeling something was not right, so i raise my hand and bring attention to the matter. He attempts to fix the problem but then follows it by.. " oh....i shooould not have done theez"( there is an accent incorporated in these quotes)
And If a certain someones responsibly was placing a thin film(membrane) over my gel and it was put together backwards( therefore, i have LOST all my results) AGAIN, NOT my fault. but yet...i still get the snicker with a head tilt..along with a " oh....jyou guys...just meass everyting up!"


NOW i only pray that in med school they have professors that know HOW to teach and present the information in different manners for different "kinds of learners". BELIEVE ME, if i could read a textbook and understand everything in it perfectly without having to go to class... I would have done that by now. Although i think it is quite hilarious, that i happened to get a question right on a weekly quiz when i did not actually attend that portion of the lecture...and another question wrong when i was present on the lecture day. Perhaps i should skip class and just read it for myself more often.

ohhh dear...

Well...
Its been a while since Ive had a moment to myself, let alone write down any thoughts i have.( i should be studying for an Immunology quiz right now)
*sigh* What can i say... Fall of Senior year has been ABSOLUTE madness. just . CRAZY! i cant even begin to put it into words.. other than those. With volunteering,club med, and actual school.... i am completely sleep deprived( might as well get used to it right??) All i want right now is just a day...okay maybe two...of nothing!! that's all...so that i can just be a couch potato and watch movies and not think and just sleep ALLLL DAAAYY if i wanted! ...sorry, I'm totally daydreaming about it right now.

School is like i said..crazy...i find that for some reason or other I'm struggling more than i ever did before! ( i thought senior year is supposed to be a breeze if you worked hard the other 3 years!...apparently not...or maybe this is really bad case of senioritis) But as i was walking in beautiful flagstaff weather, i was trying to think of what it was that different about this year... what is the factor that is missing..or what it was that i am doing/or not doing now ..that has caused me to be SO stressed and on edge all the time, and believe it or not..impatient. Then i realized.. I'm not singing anymore.. I knew that not singing would have a bit of an effect on me this year since I've been in choir since the 7Th grade and this year is the first which I'm not involved in any active choir or anything! But i had no idea it would be this big! I guess you really didn't know what you have until you loose it.. Not that i lost my singing ability..just the whole choir-ness...does that make sense? just singing with others and just being in that atmosphere was a huge stress outlet for me! Just that one hour of my day where i can put all thoughts away (family, school, whatever was going on) and just sing and try to sound good!
I had no idea how much of an outlet until now.
So i figured instead of singing... a new outlet would be if i take up regular exercise ( i did for a little while last spring ..but that didn't last for too long). My roommate and I have taken up P90X again last week. Which if you know the program at all,its pretty intense. I'm not however, finding it to be much of a stress outlet for me.. but i do feel healthier and getting into shape, which is good... downside: I'm more exhausted than ever.. I'm not gaining too much energy from it. But I will stick to it!
All and all...I'm just ready for something different in my life. Like the next chapter, ya know? Ive done the whole college thing. I'm usually not a fan of big changes.. i like stability and i like to know where I'm going ( which there have been several changes in this semester alone and I'm not exactly sure of my path for the next year at least, which could be another contributing factor to the stress mania.) But I'm just ready for something new...a new adventure!
but i figure that will come with time... but what i do need at this very moment but I'm in school so ... i cant...and i haven't saved any money for it... is a VACATION!! bad. I have never been on vacation to be honest. all the "vacations" i have attempted to take...have been nightmares really.. just a real vacation.. i can't wait until next summer! hahaha...

...and the countdown has officially begun.